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Neil Barber, aliases Prince Harry & Kenny Everett |
Blunt scissors and flat notes. Turns out our Neil Barber, like his doppelganger Prince Harry, is not so sharp after all.
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"You got the brains; I get the celebrity!"
(image labelled as Creative Commons Licensed from
http://www.theurbangent.com/2011/04/prince-william-of-wales.html)
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Barber's notes are so flat that he hates musicians with a vengeance. (Not at all sure why voice-of-the-year, Gavin Milnthorpe, is hanging around to watch Barber's set - that's just politeness gone crazy!)
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Gavin Milnthorpe, comedic singer |
Barber kicks off his set with claims that Stevie Wonder has a blinkered view of love. Just as well old Stevie was blinkered. Historic memories of my own blinkered childhood come back to me – Jay Cool's youthful enthusiasm and originality may have been a little too much for Stevie!
Take yourselves back in time to 1981, and picture Jay Cool at a fancy dress competition (Okay, so my interests haven't matured much!), dressed up as Stevie Wonder's mic....
There I was, looking stunning, in a yellow sleeping bag with a lampshade on my head.
"What a fantastic banana costume!" exclaimed the trying-too-hard judge (none other than the famous Mayor of Grimsby).
"No," I corrected. "I'm Stevie Wonder's microphone. And, this is Stevie Wonder himself!"
To which, my best friend, face all blacked up in boot polish, smiled obligingly - the boot polish being the perfect disguise for her, by now, beetroot-red complexion.
So sorry, Stevie, but I really hadn't heard of the phrase 'cultural appropriation' back then! And only, six years prior to that, I had been a big collector of the token's on Robinson's jam. Jay Cool, in middle-age, is a lot more PC - honest"
That's why I'm Pea Crazy and wearing my pea-green wig, complete with pea pod outfit. (And, no I am not trying to look like Kelis, or any particular member of the Jackson Five! Barber, get yourself over here with those scissors - blunt, or not, I need a skinhead cut!)
Time to play it safe - time to get Neil Barber, his useless equipment, and his anti-musician thing out of my mind, and there's no-one's more PC than our next comic ...
Lizanne Davis!
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Top left to right: Neil Barber, Lizanne Davis & Bim |
Lizanne, a highly successful career lady, (currently 'chauffeur to a hairy-arsed dustman') on her way to the top! Meghan, does Prince Harry have a hairy a***? Does he need a chauffeur?
Royal Chauffeur (stained-mattress collector for the council) aside, what I'm really impressed about with Lizanne, is that her cultural references are spot on! Everyone she jokes about, I know about. This is fantastic, but it generally takes me half-an-hour or so (with the help of trusty Google), to work out who our other comedians are blabbing on about. But, in the nano-second it takes Lizanne to wave her arms around, in an impersonation of who she would least like to have as a passenger in her dustbin lorry, I'm with her! It's pretty clear that she has an eleven-year-old daughter. Only, yesterday, I nearly crashed my Sandero, when my youngest sprogg decided that she needed a wee, and did a hyperactive imitation of a windmill - just to emphasise the point. "Mum, mum, mum! How much longer until we get home - I need a wee?!" But, no! Lizanne has no daughter! She's taking off, into the air, helicopter-style, as none other than Magnus Pike! Magnus Pike? The Magnus Pike! My childhood hero! A man of the seventies!
I can't believe it! Here, in front of me, is a world-famous comedian - who is female and somewhere not far off the age of fifty! There's hope for us all - even for me, Jay Cool! In two years time, I too, will be officially middle-aged (as at 100, I have every intention of being around to receive my, signed-on-behalf-of-the-Queen birthday card, from the hairy-a**** man's grandmother!), still female, and I'll be world famous!
Feeling celebratory, I join Lizanne, propel my wings - and prepare for take off. And, Lizanne's take-off moment, seems to set the scene for things to come! Whoever knew that so many young twenty and thirty-something young male comedians, would rather be fifty and female! Just take a look at this lot ....!
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Top: Gavin Milnthorpe, Louis Meers & Adam Bromley
Middle: Dom Mackie & Bim
Bottom row: Gee Noble, Aaron Spalding & Dom Holland
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Not satisfied with being a helicopter (and, let's face it, who wants to join forces with the Duchess of York?), Dom Mackie, did his very own impression of The Angel of the North.
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Dom Mackie, alias The Angel of the North
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Copyright of text, and photographs of comedians, owned by Jay Cool, May 2018
P.S. For those still not convinced about Dom Mackie being worthy of such a prestigious award, take a look at this!
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The Angel of the North, alias Dom Mackie (Wikipedia Commons) |
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