Well, I’m back (again!) Back from an inspection of the loos at The Brewery Tap (plenty of bog roll!). And, I ‘m standing back, standing
back with the rest of the punters in the Tap; standing back to make room for the
crane that's been sent in to lift Jason Ventris out of his mango-maternity frock (seems he
stole it from Wallmart and now they want it back!) Although a little
disillusioned (On my arrival, I really did believe I was special guest Blogger for a Wallmart fashion
preview!), I’m hanging on to my usual positivity and I’m moving on.
Clayton Harrison, comic-freak kid, is here. No doubt you’re
thinking that he’s looking a little too much on the weather-worn side to be
entitled to the look-at-me-I’m-still-fresh label of kid. But, you need to be
here, here in The Tap, here listening to the poor lamb’s backstory before you
make assumptions. Clayton, you see, is a little bit special; born at the
physical age of five year’s old, he’s still rather delicate and impressionable,
especially when it comes to taking advice on matters of moral judgement.
If you need
further evidence to be convinced of Clayton's social immaturity, then consider the
time when he took a visit to a Christian Day Care centre, and came out with a
strong conviction that everyone of God’s children should be treated exactly as
if they were Jesus. And, to be fair, then it is true that parents should abide
by equality laws and never have a favourite. But poor wee Clayton did exactly
what he was told; when the TV Licence man came round, Clayton nailed him up
on the For Sale sign in his front garden. You would think this might be a plus
to potential buyers, but apparently not – Clayton’s still in situ.
I’m guessing that Clayton’s the type of Essex lad who was
born and bred on homeground and who will die and be buried on homeground. Not
so, with Maggie!
Maggie Kowaski’s the next comedian on the billing and she’s come all the way from Poland. You wouldn’t think she was from a foreign land, though, as she seems to have assimilated very quickly into our British ways. No Citizenship Test required for Maggie – she’s one of our own, a true Brit! She’s been on set for ten minutes, now, and she’s still rabbitting on about the weather. Seems she avoided paying for double-glazing to keep out the wind and the rain, by purchasing a raincoat instead. Being perceptive (admittedly not a British trait), Maggie’s right on the ball by concluding that ‘one doesn’t need double-glazing when one has a Mac’! Think I’ll leave her gassing on about the weather, but I’m here at The Tap on the hunt for something a little more exotic than that. I’m here for …
Chris Norton-Walker! Maggie Kowaski’s the next comedian on the billing and she’s come all the way from Poland. You wouldn’t think she was from a foreign land, though, as she seems to have assimilated very quickly into our British ways. No Citizenship Test required for Maggie – she’s one of our own, a true Brit! She’s been on set for ten minutes, now, and she’s still rabbitting on about the weather. Seems she avoided paying for double-glazing to keep out the wind and the rain, by purchasing a raincoat instead. Being perceptive (admittedly not a British trait), Maggie’s right on the ball by concluding that ‘one doesn’t need double-glazing when one has a Mac’! Think I’ll leave her gassing on about the weather, but I’m here at The Tap on the hunt for something a little more exotic than that. I’m here for …
Chris Norton-Walker? Exotic? He might,
according to him, be the biggest name in comedy – both in the physical and
imaginary sense – and he might even have a very long twenty-three letter name –
but exotic? Okay, I’m not sure that’s quite the image he has in mind, when he describes his own face as containing the opening three clues for a game of Bingo: ‘Beard,
bald and glasses!’ But what Chris doesn’t know is that Jay Cool has updated the traditional version of Guess Who?
to be all inclusive. Whereas he is picturing
this:
 |
| Chris Norton-Walker's outdated Guess Who? game |
I, Jay Cool, gone-viral-around-the-globe Blogger; I, am
conjuring up these exciting and exotically-colourful images:
 |
| Saint Patrick's day reveller, by Nick Gray |
 |
| Geoffrey Bilder at Wikimania 2014 - London caption |
Still, no doubt Jason Ventris’ photo shoot for Wallmart has
helped to boost the funds – just a little!
 |
| Jason Ventris slapping PJ away, on the realisation that this is a 'charity' gig! |
Copyright owned by Jay Cool, August 2017
Disclaimer:
All inaccuracies made in the transcription of the comedian’s acts are not the
fault of Jay Cool; they are the fault of the mango cider readily available, by
the barrel, at The Brewery Tap.
Future
events: Any readers who would like to be similarly transported into the
imaginary world of the Blogger, need to get themselves down to the Tap, on the
first Wednesday of every month, to see all the forthcoming Suffolk Punch Comedy
Club gigs (and to visit the Tap every day and evening in between times to drink
as much mango cider as they can before Jay Cool dries the barrel up!)
Entry: The
Wednesday night comedy event is free. But very
generous donations into our charity pot, in aid of Prostate Cancer Research
are more-than welcome.
Sources:
Photos: The photo of Geoffrey Bilder is a creative commons image, for which the link providing details is as follows: https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=File:Geoffrey_Bilder.jpg&oldid=223945741
The photo of the green reveller is a creative commons image by Nick Gray: Uploaded by Wikimedia Commons from http://flickr.com/photo/35034365374@N01/6792345 under the licence: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en
Other photos are taken by the author, Jay Cool.
The photo of the green reveller is a creative commons image by Nick Gray: Uploaded by Wikimedia Commons from http://flickr.com/photo/35034365374@N01/6792345 under the licence: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/deed.en
Other photos are taken by the author, Jay Cool.
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